Pointless Nonsense

Posted in movies by Bill on September 21, 2015

tmntI saw Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was on Netflix and I kind of had to see to find out just how terrible it is. And it is pretty bad. I also kinda wanted to watch because of those pictures of Megan Fox from filming in some kind of schoolgirl getup, but it turns out that’s from the sequel. Which if that ever comes to Netflix For that reason, I might also have to watch.

April’s father and William Fichtner were doing some sort of science experiment on four turtles and a rat, for some reason. There’s a lab fire, young April rescues them from the fire and releases them into the sewer, where the effects of the experiment turn them into more human-like creatures. The rat is an adult and the turtles are babies so he takes a fatherly role, and finds a book on ninjutsu, which he learns and then teaches to the turtles. Better than that leaked script alien thing, but still kind of silly.

I suppose if they used the Splinter-used-to-be-human story, they’d have to cast another Japanese guy, and since this is I think the first time an actual Asian guy has played Shredder, they probably felt like that took care of any potential complaints about Japanese casting, and got Tony Shalhoub to voice Splinter. Shredder has some sort of plan to kill a bunch of people for no good reason, but he also needs mutagen from the turtles to make his plan work.

A few other things:

  • Pizza Hut boxes everywhere, I assume they paid handsomely.
  • I’m not as bothered by the turtle noses as everyone else seemed to be, but their teeth weirded me out.
  • Shredder’s armor is ridiculous, he looks like something out of a 90s comic. The x-treme version of Silver Samurai or something.
  • I would have expected more nods to the comics/cartoons. Baxter Stockman as a random background scientist, or something. They normally do that in these types of movies.

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