Pointless Nonsense

Posted in tv by Bill on September 3, 2014

thestandFor whatever reason, I didn’t watch The Stand miniseries 20 years ago. Maybe I had something going on? I dunno. It seems like the kind of thing I would have watched. But anyway, I saw it on Netflix so I thought why not. My first impression was that it featured an amazing line-up of C-list actors. Molly Ringwald, Corin Nemec, Kelso from Scrubs, the dad from Alf, Ossie Davis, captain eyepatch from Criminal Intent (but with like Fabio hair, it’s hilarious), Laura San Giacomo, Miguel Ferrer, Matt Frewer, that Joe Bob Briggs guy, Dauber from Coach, Principal DeWitt, Ray Walston, Shawnee Smith, Stephen King who can’t really act, Sam Raimi who also can’t really act, John Landis who also can’t act, and for some reason Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Actual famous people Gary Sinise, Rob Lowe, Ed Harris, and Kathy Bates are also in it, the latter two just barely. Most everyone unless otherwise mentioned is pretty good, except Molly Ringwald, who is pretty atrocious. Well Dauber isn’t too great either, but he’s playing a mentally challenged guy and that’s an acting challenge.

The dated music is a little tough to get used to. It’s like… electric blues guitar solo over ethereal synth. I can’t imagine that was ever cool. Or soprano sax over soothing piano, which sounds like the soundtrack to a 90s soft core porn movie.

I like the whole post-apocalyptic thing, and I was really enjoying the disease outbreak at the beginning, but they sped right past the survival aspect of things in a hurry. It took to the end of part 1 for the disease to kill most everyone, and by the beginning of part 3, they had basically re-established a functioning society with government and electricity and a hospital. Also, unsurprisingly I guess, as the religious stuff started to dominate the story, I lost interest. The captain from L&O:CI but with the Fabio hair plays the devil, or maybe a demon, and this old woman in the most blatant Magical Negro thing ever is an angel or a prophet or something. I was halfway through before it started to lose me, so I figured I’d just finish it. And the climax is really lame, a literal deus ex machina, where the machine in this case is the finest computer a limited budget could buy in 1994. Then they decide to end it with a montage of the dead characters, like the Oscars “in memoriam” thing. Really hokey.

I do finally get the “M-O-O-N, that spells [something that’s not ‘moon’]” references I heard people make a couple decades ago. So there’s that.

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