Pointless Nonsense

Posted in video games by Bill on June 28, 2014

darksoulsDark Souls is the worst console port I’ve ever played. It is not functioning software as delivered, so nobody should be charging money for it.

I started up, configured keys, created a character, and watched the intro cutscene without too much trouble, but then I was presented with several huge problems. Then I discovered that the game doesn’t capture the mouse cursor. So if you turn to the side where your other monitor is, and click (basic attack), focus switches to whatever was on the other monitor (or the desktop), and the game doesn’t pause. 100% unplayable like this. The game is very specific that you should exit via the menu and not just quit it, so I tried to bring up the menu. But that’s not bound to the Esc key like every other PC game ever. So I spent about a minute hitting random keys before just giving up and closing it. I found a Steam article on “how to get this to actually work,” installed a series of user-made fixes, and got the game to capture the mouse, found the key binding to set Esc to bring up the menu (it was “end” by default), and went back to try again. This time the mouse didn’t work at all, so I had to back out of some changes and restart. Now the game is in super slow motion. Google suggested another change, and restarted.

After an hour and a half it had become somewhat playable. But constantly throughout the early game there in-game tips on how to execute the (many) moves in the game. And the instructions are for a console controller. So it says to left stick up and hit right trigger 1, I have no idea how to do that. After about an hour of progressing for two minutes before having to consult google and my key bindings to figure out how to do a thing it’s telling me I need to know how to do, I was too pissed off to continue.

I only paid $5 for this, so it’s no great loss. But whoever made this should be embarrassed to have their name on it. The game might be great (and incredibly challening) on the console, but I didn’t actually get far enough to die at all. I think I killed six things.

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