Pointless Nonsense

Posted in movies by Bill on April 19, 2014

gijoe-retalI was assured that G.I. Joe: Retaliation was better than the first one, but that sets the bar pretty low. I wasn’t going to bother until it showed up on Netflix.

The cast of the first one was pretty horrible, C-Tates, Jonathan Pryce (who still can’t do an American accent), and the two ninjas are I think the only ones who return, but this movie is mostly about the Rock and Adrienne Palicki as Roadblock and Lady Jaye, respectively, who are a huge improvement over Tatum and Rachel Nichols. Technically Flint is a major character too, but the actor is boring and he doesn’t get much for story or anything (other than he wants to bang Jaye). They also bring in Jinx, who is kinda hot, and has a weird French/British accent.

Ray Stevenson plays Firefly, and he like Pryce also can’t do the accent he’s trying for. RZA plays a blind swordsman not particularly well. Some new guy plays Cobra Commander, but we don’t really see his face and his voice is digitally altered, so I could have done it just as well. He does get the classic Cobra Commander helmet, though, so that’s good.

Anyway, it’s an improvement over the first one, but still not very good. It’s just kind of a generic action movie with goofy code names and ridiculous villains. But I guess I’m not really the target audience, I watched the cartoon but I was to young to really remember it. And I had zero G.I. Joe toys. Lots of He-Man and a few Transformers (and a couple Go-Bots from when Santa misfired one year), but no Joe.

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