Pointless Nonsense

Posted in movies by Bill on May 20, 2012

Briefly, Underworld: Awakening seemed like it might be my favorite of the Underworld movies yet. Despite having seen all of them (for some reason I even saw the one with Rhona Mitra instead of Kate Beckinsale), I forgot much of the plot, but they start with a brief recap. Then there are about 10 seconds of exposition via a news broadcast followed by almost 15 minutes of virtually plot-free action featuring Kate Beckinsale in her skin tight outfit, which, let’s be honest, is almost entirely why I’m watching this at all. Sadly, that gave way to an hour of terrible plot, terrible special effects, things flying towards the screen because this was apparently in 3D, and other things that bugged the crap out of me. Some random things:

  • Tywin Lannister from GoT plays one of the older vampire leader guys, and holy crap I never made the connection that he was the bad guy from Last Action Hero before. That blows my mind.
  • The werewolf guy from Lost Girl also plays a werewolf here. I wonder if he’s going to develop a complex, thinking he looks dog-like.
  • The CGI for the lycans looked terrible. I wonder if it’s 3D-related, either that they looked ok in 3D, or making it in 3D made it more expensive, so they had to cut costs elsewhere.
  • Speaking of, the lycans are giant hulking things whose every breath makes a thunderous sound, yet they are constantly surprising people from behind.
  • Wes Bentley is ruined for me by The Hunger Games. All I could think when I saw him in this was “what happened to his elaborate facial hair?” And then I remembered this.
  • At the very beginning, those exposition news reports feature cops and broadcasters with British accents. And the vampires tend to have British accents. But almost all the other people seem to have American (or Canadian) accents. Where the hell does this take place?
  • Kate Beckinsale is captured early in the movie, and cryogenically frozen in a lab. When she wakes up, conveniently, the people who run the lab have conveniently left her trademark catsuit and boots and whatnot right there in the lab. This bugs me not only because it’s the kind of thing that would be ridiculous if it actually happened, but also because a scene where naked (but, you know, covered up by camera angles) Kate Beckinsale kicked some guys asses before finding some clothes would have fit right in. Instead, we get “oh no, where am I? Oh, hey look, my clothes.”

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