Pointless Nonsense

Posted in tv by Bill on January 10, 2012

Both shows, now that I’ve started to notice it, have an exceedingly high number of scenes in which someone says “[Main Character], there’s something you have to see” over a radio. I get that it’s a device to build tension before a reveal, and that saying “[main character], here’s a description of an important thing” is boring. But still, the fact that you get one of these in almost every episode is quite lame.


Atlantis: 2.01:

  • So Shepard is headed on a suicide mission, and Atlantis just has to hold out until a ship from Earth can arrive. Mitch Pileggi shows up just in time to save Shepard and blow up a bunch of Wraith ships. I knew some notable bald sci-fi person was on this show, but for some reason thought it was Robert Picardo.
  • The ship also has nervous hiccuper girl who I thought was being introduced as a regular on SG-1 last season, but I guess that was a… backdoor character introduction. She’s a science officer type, and deals with the Asgard they have on board (since they have tons of Asgard tech that they probably don’t entirely know how to use). It would be nice if they added Jewel Staite instead, but I guess I can suffer through another season a little low on hotness.
  • Also, that one guy who’s been boring and pointless is now evil or something.

SG-1: 9.01:

  • I am not paying as close attention as I could, but I believe season 9 starts by retroactively inserting a new character into the events at the end of season 7/beginning of season 8 in Antarctica. I was getting the impression that he might end up the new 4th member of SG-1, and then suddenly he’s the first guy in the opening credits. Along with Beau Bridges. And a conspicuous absence of Richard Dean Anderson.
  • The episode taking the form of new guy being given command of SG-1 after everyone inexplicably left, and trying to convince Teal’c, Jackson, and Carter to join back up (gee, I wonder if they will?), intercut with scenes from when he heroically saved everyone in Antarctica.
  • So far, this guy is devoid of charisma.
  • Both new guy and Beau Bridges are written as if they’ve been around the whole time, Nikki and Paolo style.
  • Jackson’s going to be lured back in by the Farscape chick returning with a map to something ancient and fancy. The ancient and fancy thing apparently takes them to England, where we learn that Merlin was probably an ancient (because he’s from white people mythology, and therefore not a Goa’uld).
  • The episode ends on a cliffhanger, with the Ancients’ Indiana Jones/Goonies type puzzle on the verge of killing them all.

SG-1: 9.02:

  • Jackson saves himself and Farscape chick from their death trap, new guy saves himself and Teal’c from their trap. So, shockingly, not everyone dies.
  • And the presence of Amanda Tapping in the credits does make it quite clear that this “she’s in R&D and not on the team” business is as temporary as it seems.
  • We are still flashing back to his whole thing in Antarctica.
  • They find some kinda device in “Avalon” and Jackson and Farscape girl use it, and they inhabit other bodies of some sort.
  • It’s only just occurred to me that the new guy is also from Farscape. I only watched one episode of that show, but I remember the two main things I didn’t like about it were the cheap-looking puppets and the main guy.
  • Positive casting note: new doctor is a half-Asian hot girl who I’ve seen in various Vancouver-y shows before. I had been complaining about the lack of charisma about the couple of doctors that replaced Teryl Rothery, but Lexa Doig is perfectly fine as an actress and perfectly fine as a lady.
  • The thing with Jackson and Farscape girl involves ascension and the ancients and I don’t care. But the events in this maybe fantasy land do cause their vacant bodies to require medical attention, which is now going to be the highlight of any episode.

SG-1: 9.03:

  • Last episode left off with Jackson and Farscape girl stranded in the bodies of other people somewhere else, still unsure of how to return to themselves. And also Teal’c losing an election or some such nonsense.
  • I stopped paying attention entirely, and my odds of quitting this show are again pretty high. Lou Gossett Jr. is here for some reason.

Atlantis: 2.02:

  • After suffering through a shitty 3-part SG-1 season premiere, it feels like forever since watching this. So some of the people went back to Earth, apparently, and are now taking a ship back to Atlantis.
  • I have next to nothing to say about the plot of this episode, but at the end there’s a ship-to-ship dogfight in space. Expected stupid things: roaring sounds, movements as if they were in atmosphere with gravity. Unexpected stupid thing: “how long can they survive those radiation levels?”/”I believe it has already been too long… [sad music]”… and they’re fine and radiation is never mentioned again.

Atlantis: 2.03:

  • Deputy Andy from Eureka shows up, having I know already been in SG-1 at least once. I don’t know if it’s the same character (nor do I remember who that character was), and he’s pseudo-famous enough that he might have a recurring role so I’m not going to look him up.
  • This episode will address that one boring guy who turned evil (but remains in the opening credits), apparently.
  • Khal Drogo shows up, and I’m pretty sure he eventually becomes a regular. He was quite impressive on GoT speaking a made-up language ans mostly yelling and grunting, but when he’s speaking English, he just sounds like a guy from Kansas City. It’s less impressive. Because I’m a combination of cynical about how racist TV production is and racist myself, I can only assume he’s going to be a love interest for Tayla (or however her name is spelled), since the only other person of color has turned evil, and interracial couples are somehow still pretty taboo. And they rather quickly come up with a scene where she has to take off his shirt, so I think I’m right.
  • Now-evil guy escapes by getting captured by wraiths, and Khal Drogo learns his homeworld is destroyed so he’s probably going to have to stay in Atlantis.

SG-1 9.04:

  • Coming off a completely terrible 3-part opener that establishes the new guy as someone I don’t care about, we fortunately include the hot doctor in a pretty early scene, which is still the only thing I’ve found interesting all season.
  • New guy is really showing off the flexibility of the writers. He’s an excellent military guy, not so bright with the science stuff, and really likes to joke around a lot. Which seperates him from O’Neill and Atlantis‘s Shepard because… he has a different name.
  • Part of the plot of this episode is the Pentagon wanting to cut SG-1 funding and put more money into Atlantis. So, basically, I feel like the Pentagon.
  • Through 4 episodes, they still haven’t brought Carter back. She did appear briefly but by video, which made me think she was pregnant, and it looks like that was probably the case.

Atlantis: 2.04:

  • Veronica Mars‘s Mindy O’Dell shows up here as a random soldier. She’s too hot to be just a random soldier who has a couple of throwaway lines early on, so I’m sure she’ll either play a significant role here or be back in a future episode. And maybe so, she and douchey scientist are beamed onto one of the Wraith gate ships. Apparently they get stored in a transporter buffer. The Atlantis team figures out how to restore scientist guy but not Mindy, so I think the episode is going to focus on either survivor’s guilt or trying to rescue her.
  • Or a worse, third possibility. That douchey scientist has Mindy O’Dell trapped in his brain. So they cast a hot actress, give her lots of lines, but she’s present only in voiceover for 90% of the episode. Who thought that was a good idea? Why not have douchey scientist trapped in the hot girl’s body?

SG-1: 9.05:

  • Farscape chick is still around. I guess they’re just keeping her around until Amanda Tapping’s maternity leave is over.
  • There’s a thing with hot doctor Lexa Doig and Beau Bridges like they’re exes or something, but I think they’re just holding back the revelation that she’s his daughter.
  • Farscape chick used to host the Goa’uld that was the fake god of this backwards planet, and she’s been pretending to still be the god since its removal to take their stuff. SG-1 makes her confess, but they don’t react very well and now there’s a trial full of long speeches about the nature of gods and technology and magic and a bunch of bullshit that doesn’t even apply to real life in metaphor. Unless you’re a scientologist, I guess, or some other religion that thinks “god” is just a super advanced alien.
  • As I expected, hot doctor who couldn’t look any less like Beau Bridges is his daughter.
  • And the episode ends with the Orai or Aurai or something showing off their power and all that stuff and clearly establishing themselves as the villains for the season. It’s kinda lame, since the main villains for most of the rest of the series have been super advanced aliens who get people to worship them as gods, and the [Au|O]rai are… super advanced aliens who get people to worship them as gods. Would be nice to have some variety.

Atlantis: 2.50:

  • The team (now with GoT/Conan guy) head through the gate and are confronted with a band of rebels with explosives on slingshot, but then are rescued by people with a fancy city full of relatively advanced technology. So obviously the rebels will turn out to be the bad guys and the fancy city people will be douches.
  • This episode relies on the concept that the death penalty is an effective deterrent, which I’m not sure is actually the case.
  • Yeah, fancy city people are working with the Wraith.
  • With GoT guy and existing ripped abs girl, this show is a lot more about fight choreography than SG-1, which is a bad sign since I’m not that interested in it. And I find the constant “oh no, we lost our guns, we’ll have to fight hand-to-hand or with sticks” to be tiresome.

SG-1: 9.06:

  • Amanda Tapping shows up in the previouslies, but Jackson and Farscape chick are still bonded by those whatever things, so I suspect that’ll be resolved this episode and Carter pops back up at the tail end.
  • That Guy Maury Chaykin guest stars as a Goa’uld offering to defect and bring tech and intelligence with him.
  • Or Carter shows up 1/4 of the way through.
  • Although I haven’t been enjoying the show much at all this season, I will say the Farscape chick is quite charismatic, and her character brings an otherwise absent sense of fun to the show. Though O’Neill/New Guy make jokes all the time, they are underneath it all fairly serious military dudes. This girl actually has fun.
  • Also, she brings a nice middle ground. All the main characters are essentially heroes (which I heard nicely defined as someone who does the right thing the right way for the right reason, while an antihero does 2 out of 3). The Goa’uld and the aurai or whatever are completely evil. Farscape chick is not good, but not bad either. And that just makes the show work better.
  • But with all I’ve been saying about how much she improves the show, the new enemies suck so overall I’m hating this more than ever.
  • Because Carter’s back, Farscape girl has to go. They choose to give her what appears to be a heroic death, but with an out to maybe bring her back sometime later.

Atlantis: 2.06:

  • They discover some new thing that the ancients worked on that might be a tremendous new power source, but it might be dangerously unstable and at least one guy dies.
  • Unsurprisingly, in the end, they do not come up with a solution to give them more energy than they know what to do with.

SG-1: 9.07:

  • The previouslies mention the Trust, the Illuminati-type secret evil guys that haven’t come up in a while. This feels like a plot thread that will never really get resolved, just teased along X-Files-style.
  • The conspiracy involves some corporation now, and Carter interviews their representative, who is dressed inappropriately for the workplace for the benefit of the viewers. They give us a random scene showing that she’s in cahoots with a Goa’uld, who I know has been on the show before, but I’ve forgotten which one he is. Ba’al maybe?
  • Meanwhile, Lou Gossett Jr., turns out to be kind of a douche as the new leader of the Jaffa.
  • They think they captured and executed Ba’al (it is him), but in fact he’s cloned himself, so there are now like four of them.

Atlantis: 2.07:

  • Jewel Staite’s name pops up in the “guest starring” portion of the credits, but alas it is not her joining the cast. She plays a wraith girl raised by a human to not be evil. Nobody looks hot in wraith makeup, so this is no good. They briefly get my hopes up when she steals an experiment that scottish doctor is working on to turn wraiths into normal humans, but that ended up making her into a feral bug monster and she gets killed.

Atlantis: 2.08:

  • Feral bug monster Jewel Staite bit Shepard before she died, so now he’s infected with the virus and is also becoming a feral bug monster. But they cure him because he’s kind of a main character.

SG-1: 9.08:

  • New guy, as I said before, is basically the same character as O’Neill but with a less charismatic actor. But he’s also really bad at being the comic relief, he just sounds uncomfortable delivering the sarcastic lines.
  • Hot girl doctor appears again, so this episode will not be without its charms.
  • Tony Todd guest stars as a guy who leads a tribe of Jaffa who have been Goa’uld independent for thousands of years somehow.
  • The Cigarette Smoking Man guest stars as an Ori (googled it) who’s trying to win over Tony Todd’s people. Ori, btw, is a dumb spelling for something pronounced oh-rye. It sure as hell looks like oh-ree. Orai would make a lot more sense.

SG-1: 9.09:

  • They find some random dude in stasis and thaw him. They actually pay lip service to the idea that they may have been exposed to 100,000 year old bacteria but everyone’s fine.
  • The dude in stasis is apparently a lab-grown experiment conducted by Anubis before his death, imprinted with Anubis’ memories and full of fancy enhancements. So when they want to either kill him or put him back in stasis, naturally Robert Picardo shows up to tell them he needs to be studied, everything goes horribly wrong and red shirts die before they manage to kill him (in an actually somewhat clever way, so props on that).

Atlantis: 2.09:

  • With the new power source online, they will spend this season discovering random new shit around the city. In this case, finding a thing that remotely powered on a long dormant ship.
  • They find the entire crew in stasis, but communicating with each other electronically. So Shepard enters the Matrix, where they have no idea that they’re in stasis. The Captain seems suspicious, like he might be aware of the truth. But his second in command, a hot blonde girl. She’s too hot and obviously evil. But I’m ok with this. I’ve apparently seen the actress many times before but none of them are ringing a bell.
  • Yep, she’s a wraith, who’s been in their virtual reality trying to gain intel for many, many years.

Atlantis: 2.10:

  • The episode order spreadsheet has this as the 2nd of 8 Atlantis episodes in a row. Which is good, both because it’s a sign of maybe some serialization, but bad because I’m enjoying Atlantis more, and 8 in a row of these means a bunch of SG-1‘s in a row at some point down the line.
  • The boring guy who’s hooked on wraith juice is back, with a wacky hairdo to make him look crazy, and he sneaks the enzyme into the food all his former friends ate.
  • Boring guy’s plan is to go onto a wraith cruiser or whatever, and it goes horribly wrong. Cliffhanger!

Atlantis: 2.11:

  • Everyone’s in a wraith prison, they’re anxious to know how they got the wraith dart they flew in on (I’ve forgotten how).
  • McKay (whose name I think I’m going to remember now) was left behind with boring guy’s compatriots as insurance that Shepard and company wouldn’t just flee. He takes a bunch of wraith juice and kicks the boring guy’s guys’ asses and escapes.
  • The people on the wraith ship try to stage an escape, it doesn’t go well, but they do pick up a kinda hot fellow prisoner. Again, though, she’s too hot and therefore evil. It takes Shepard a while before he figures out that she’s after information.
  • Shepard figures out a way to pit the wraith against each other, and McKay comes down off his wraith juice withdrawals just in time to rescue them.

Atlantis: 2.12:

  • On some random planet, they find an energy field thingy, so naturally they just have Shepard try to walk into it. It sucks him in and he can’t get back through, also time is moving faster on the other side.
  • I’ve been complaining Shepard is too much like O’Neill, and now he gets to have the same experience O’Neill had that one time he got stranded on a primitive planet and met a woman and lived a happy life for a while. In this case, he’s with a hippie commune of people who are trying to ascent. And there’s a decent chance McKay may fuck them over in the process of rescuing Shepard.
  • They don’t fuck it up, but there is a lot of ascension bullshit, so this is hardly my favorite episode.

Atlantis: 2.13:

  • SG-1 crossover moment, featuring Beau Bridges and the scientist guy. The trust have an operative on Atlantis and planted a bomb that will go off if Atlantis dials Earth, so that the Wraith could never use Atlantis to get to Earth.
  • Mindy O’Dell popped back up, so she’s the obvious suspect. Also, they make her an explosives expert. So maybe she’s too obvious.
  • They start accusing the ponytail guy that’s been a douche the entire series, but they honestly make him seem jerky but innocent. I’m thinking Mitch Pileggi, actually. He’s been credited as a guest star too long without being switched to a cast member, so he’s got to go sooner or later.
  • Before revealing the traitor, we get an annoying musical number by Teyla as part of a funeral-for-her-one-of-her-people plot that I don’t care about.
  • And it is Skinner. And he’s a Goa’uld. But they’re planning no removing the symbiote, so he could still be back.

Atlantis: 2.14:

  • McKay and a red shirt are in a puddle jumper that crashes on the water planet where Atlantis is, and it appears that the whole episode will be him alone trapped in the sinking ship with everyone else trying to rescue him.
  • He begins to hallucinate Carter with a rather ridiculous amount of cleavage, which I guess is appropriate since it’s his mental image of her. Also, this, because they’re being completely shameless. Weird that she so rarely goes lowest-common-denominator on her own show and is really showing off the goods here.

Atlantis: 2.15:

  • A primitive planet is protected from the wraith from a tower that looks like part of Atlantis. But douchey 18th century European royalty looking dudes run this half-buried Atlantis thing and they have kept the people primitive.
  • Shaved head That Guy from The Patriot plays one of the royalty, as does this kinda hot girl who’s been in a million Vancouver shows, and one of the ultimate Vancouver That Guys, Richard Kahan plays a peasant.
  • Shaved head guy is usually evil, but seems to be playing a good guy here… but I’m sure he’s going to just turn evil later. And he does, and is foiled.

Atlantis: 2.16:

  • They find pods in orbit of some planet holding bodies in stasis, not unlike that Next Generation episode where they found people from the 21st century who froze themselves just before dying. But when they open the pod, a ray zaps Weir, not unlike that Next Generation where Picard learns to play the flute. But instead of flute-land, it temporarily imprints the personality of the lady in the pod on her. She asks them to have the other pod’s personality imprinted on Shepard, because it’s her husband. Which immediately doesn’t make sense, because as soon as they’re both imprinted, they try to kill each other.
  • It can really only go the one way, with them not succeeding at killing each other, but they never address the whole idea of… why the hell did she intentionally revive the guy she wanted to kill? It does not make sense.

SG-1: 9.10:

  • Back to SG-1, unfortunately. Haven’t seen Sal Bass in a while, he’s trying to convince Lou Gossett Jr not to get in cahoots with the Ori.
  • Some guys on a random mission come back with some biological contaminant.
  • From time to time, I’ve been wondering if this show has an atheist agenda. But with the Goa’uld easily fooling ancient people into believing they were gods, and the good guys convincing everyone that they are not gods, it could just as easily be about rejecting false gods in the name of the true god or whatever. But this episode has the first instance of something that I can’t seem to take any other way. That one advanced guy who used to creepily want to bang Carter ascended at some point, and came back to warn everyone about the Ori. He said the Ori and the ancients were the same group of people, but the Ori were religious fanatics and the ancients “for a lack of a better way of putting it, believed in science.” So… the good ancients were secular humanists and the bad ancients were religious.

SG-1: 9.11:

  • I lost what I wrote about this episode somehow, but it was unexciting since the had an idea on how to depower the Ori representative guys, and it basically had to work, because until now they’d been unstoppable killing machines. So now it’s not automatic death if they show up on Earth.

Atlantis: 2.17:

  • One one planet, a house burns down under suspicious circumstances and some Atlantis people may have been killed. On another planet, one of Colm Meaney’s people has apparently defected and is offering a ZPM in exchange for weapons to fight against Colm Meaney. Gee, I wonder if the two may turn out to be related?
  • It was a very clever plan by Colm Meaney, until the end. He manages to take about a dozen hostages, including Shepard and McKay, but the problem is that he asks for too much. He demands 10 puddle jumpers, and she couldn’t possibly agree to give up even 1. They’re too strategically important. If he’d asked for C4 or guns, he’d have a shot. But they won’t sacrifice their strategic advantage to save a few people, no matter how important.

SG-1: 9.12:

  • New guy wakes up with a kinda hot looking girl murdered in his kitchen. I can only assume we’ll discover that he’s been a serial killer this whole time.
  • An odd break from format, there have been dozens of times over all these seasons where it seemed like they were going to go “24 hours earlier” after the credits, but they preferred to play catch-up with exposition. But here they actually do go “24 hours earlier.”
  • New guy’s playing with some fancy technology that lets you experience someone else’s memories. Also he’s flirting with a scientist lady who may be the murder victim. Yep. He banged her, ignoring the potential danger of space herpes, and he woke up with her dead.
  • He confesses, having vague memories of doing it. Gee, I wonder if someone else killed her and implanted the memory in him?
  • Now we just have to follow the forensics of this made-up technology to eventually arrive at the identity of the killer. The head scientist guy is the guy with no dick from Ghostbusters, who always plays a douche, but he’s too obvious a choice. The kinda hot scientist chick has an ex-husband, he’s probably the guy. And he is.

Atlantis: 2.18:

  • The engineer from Star Trek: Enterprise wakes up with amnesia in Atlantis after a wraith encounter. Everyone’s talking about him and there’s some mysterious secret about him that they’re not revealing to the audience.
  • Ah, it looks like they figured out that retrovirus they tried out on Jewel Staite a while back, and he was the first test subject.
  • But he’s pissed when he finds out he used to be a wraith. He escapes, stops taking his meds, and becomes wraith-y again. It seems like they ended it ready to be picked up in a part 2, but they’re considering it a standalone. I can only assume it’ll be picked up at some point later. At the very least, the fact that he knows Atlantis exists still means the wraith will be coming.

SG-1: 9.13:

  • SG-1 comes through the gate early, but then SG-1 also comes through the gate on time. So there’s two of them. Probably just an accident, but it’d be cool if the one SG-1 team turns out to be the evil team and they have to do one of those “I don’t know which one to shoot!” things.
  • And by the halfway point there’s like 50 different SG-1’s, and they bring back some dead characters.
  • And after some boring plot, everyone goes back to their home universes.

Atlantis: 2.19:

  • They visit a society that looks otherwise primitive, but they have an Ancient bunker sorta thing underground. They can’t figure out how to get the geothermal power working. Also, they have a somewhat damaged Ancient cruiser in a hangar. But they’re having earthquakes, and probably their planet is going to blow up.
  • They also have a hot lady scientist, which seems to be considerably more common on other planets than on Earth.
  • It turns out they tapped into too much geothermal energy which will trigger a supervolcano. I would think geothermal would remove energy from the equation rather than make it more volatile, but I don’t know that much about it.
  • They start evacuating, but oops, the stargate gets swallowed up by liquid hot magma, so half the Atlantis crew is stranded on an exploding planet.
  • They actually manage to throw a number of unexpected hurdles in the way before the inevitable escape, and tease the wraith attack that I assume will happen in the season finale (and “to be continued…” into the season 3 premiere).

SG-1: 9.14:

  • This whole episode is an internal Jaffa politics episode, mixed with a plot about new guy’s dying friend. Neither of which are even remotely interesting.

Atlantis: 2.20:

  • Trip from Enterprise, now in wraith form, returns in a wraith cruiser and says he comes in peace. This being the season finale, something will either go horribly wrong, or he’s shown up to warn them of an incoming attack.
  • This picks up from the internal strife with the wraith, and Trip’s faction wants the retrovirus to turn their rivals into humans/food.
  • They have some arguments along the way, and tension builds until there’s a doublecross.
  • McKay and GoT guy get captured and the wraith appear to have stolen the location of Earth. To be continued…

Atlantis: 3.01:

  • And apparently I’m going into season 3 of Atlantis even though I’m not that close to done on SG-1 season 9. I figure since I’ve been doing these once per SG-1 season for a while, I’ll cut this off at the end of SG-1’s season again.
  • So McKay and GoT guy are captured, Shepard is latched onto a Wraith cruiser like the Millenium Falcon on a Star Destroyer, and the Wraith are headed to Earth to feed.
  • Theoretically, this can only go a couple ways. Either they foil the wraith attack or Trip from Enterprise, corrupted with his humanity, betrays his people and sabotages them from within. Or, I guess, the Wraith devour all of humanity.
  • And I guess it’s a little bit of both, Michael helps them out, they slow the progress to Earth down enough that the ships from Atlantis catch up, kill most of them, and turn a bunch of the rest into humans. But we’re To be continued… again.

Atlantis: 3.02:

  • So the Daedalus may have been stranded in no man’s land, I’m not clear on what’s happened to that, but they now have a hive ship and a bunch of people who used to be wraith. They dose Michael without his knowledge, which works out fine since they get amnesia from the shot. All the other former wraith have white wraith-style hair, but Michael continues to have light brown hair.
  • Robert Picardo appears to be maybe becoming a regular, which is weird because I had thought there was a bald guy on the show before starting, unsure if it was Robert Picardo or Mitch Pileggi, but now it appears to be both.
  • Since they had such a wonderful experience with the first wraith they turned human, they decide to let hundreds of them live together and assume everything will be ok. And shocker of all shockers, this goes horribly wrong. I zoned out a little but I think they killed all the wraith guys and lost their wraith cruiser thing. And got the Daedalus back.

SG-1: 9.15:

  • And this is the stretch of uninterrupted SG-1 episodes to make up for the earlier stretch of Atlantis ones, which will run through the end of season 9.
  • Aaron Doral’s planet from a while back returns, they’ve been visited by the Ori. They’ve been building a weapons satellite at the Ori’s SG-1 and the prometheus head to their planet to destroy it but it did not go well. Miraculously, SG-1 all survive (though seemingly dozens of others die). They work on negotiating some peace between the two factions on the planet with the help of Ernie Hudson, semi-unsuccessfully, but it went well enough to get SG-1 back home.
  • Also, Buzz from Psych plays some random guy.

SG-1: 9.16:

  • Again, they start with a typical Stargate opening, in the middle of the action, which in seasons past would be followed with some exposition explaining how they got to that point, but for the second time they flash back, this time “Eight hours earlier.”
  • Apparently they have found a planet with highly addictive corn. While there, the stargate gets beamed out, Asgard-style.
  • Drew Barrymoore’s douche fiance from The Wedding Singer is the captain of some new Earth ship (the budget for the SG program must be in the trillions).
  • Ba’al shows up at some point, and they recover the gates. I’m really zoning out on this show a lot, Atlantis isn’t great, but it’s still a lot better.

SG-1: 9.17:

  • SG-1 is escorting Robert Picardo and this suddenly relevant international council of somethingorother to one of the offworld bases for research and emergency evacuation. It’s totally safe, what could go wrong?
  • They’re introduced to a scientist who’s researching insects that the Ori seem to be leaving behind. They suddenly turn carnivorous and start eating everyone in sight. SG-1 has to flee into a cave because the insects burrow under everywhere that isn’t solid rock.
  • Blah, blah, blah, they escape.

SG-1: 9.18:

  • Carter and New Guy get zapped by something and now they’re ghosts. Or whatever, no one can see them and they can pass through solid objects, like so many other science fiction and supernatural shows. And as usual, though they can pass through people and walls, they’re normally affected by gravity except for the fact that they don’t fall through the floor.
  • They probably have a way to phase back, but they can’t read ancient. They’ve figured out a way to signal yes/no, and are using that to signal each letter of the ancient to Jackson. But for some reason they’re not doing any kind of efficient search (they’re doing basically “is it A? Is it B?”, when they could be splitting the alphabet in half and eliminating half the letters at a time.
  • Anyway, they return to normal.

SG-1: 9.19:

  • The previouslies indicate that Farscape chick, who appeared to have sacrificed herself to stop the Ori from making a superstargate, will be back. And she is, taking over Jackon’s body like that time she and Jackson discovered the Ori that way. It kinds looks like she’s pregnant, but I’m not sure if it’s that the actress is pregnant and they’re kinda hiding it or the character is pregnant.
  • This That Guy and Michael Ironsides also appear.
  • She has crucial information that the SGC has to know right away, but tells a long and winding story about her pregnancy (she is pregnant) despite not banging anyone, her marriage to hide the fact that she was an unmarried pregnant woman, and whatever else, on some world in Ori-land where she woke up after her big sacrifice to save the galaxy.
  • And the point of her story? The Ori probably have a working super gate thingy and are planning a big attack. Which she could have told them in 2 minutes and been able to answer questions. But as it was, she barely got that far, and was interrupted by the That Guy killing the only other anti-Ori people.
  • So the end of this season will be about fending off an Ori invasion by acquiring a device that Merlin built. Which sounds a little boring, but oh well.

SG-1: 9.20:

  • SG-1 gates to where they think Merlin’s weapon is, and John (Walter Bishop) Noble guest stars as the main guy there, which they call Camelot, which instantly makes this the best SG-1 episode in a while, because John Noble is awesome.
  • Carter, separately, has a plan to fuck with the supergate, but of course it can’t work, because that would render the whole attempt to get Merlin’s doodad irrelevant.
  • Apparently, what they need is the holy grail, which they say wasn’t originally a jesus cup, but it’s just a big red gemstone.
  • And the Ori have giant indestructible ships headed into our galaxy to destroy everyone and everything. End of season.
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